I was disappointed today. There was something that I wanted, not something huge, a little thing that I’d had before and wanted to enjoy again, but for some very good, sensible reasons I can’t have it. I was disappointed, even though I completely understood why I can’t have it. “Life is like that,” I said. “I’ll survive.” (A bit of irony there for those who know how much I don’t like that word.)
And I will, of course. It’s a little thing. It’s as though they were out of anchovies at the pizza place so I had to be content with a different kind of topping. I have the choice to sit and pout or to enjoy the other kind of pizza. Me, I’ll take the pizza every time!
Sometimes, though – and this is just between you and me, Internet – sometimes I almost wish I wasn’t so mature and sensible. Sometimes I wish I could pout and shout and stamp my foot and insist that I am very, very special, so the pizzeria can good and well go out and find me some dang anchovies! (Why yes, I am four years old.)
It wasn’t anchovies that I wanted and upon reflection I am pleased that I can’t have what I thought I wanted. It would have been to the detriment of someone else, so ultimately to my own.
It is humbling to realize that I am still so self-centered and selfish that I can seriously consider doing something that would not be in the best interests of another person just to satisfy my own wishes. That kind of “behumblement” is good. It is an excellent reminder, in this Lenten season, that I am not put on this earth merely for my own pleasure.
I have a responsibility to the others in my life and to all the people I touch in one way or another, a responsibility before God, whom I love and want to serve with every fiber of my being. My choices have an impact on me, and on everyone else, too. Your choices have an impact on me. We are not alone.
I got what I needed today. Because I am so far from my goal, I am still disappointed that I didn’t get my druthers, but that is not very important. I got what I needed, so thank you.