Enough!

I am sick and tired of dealing with stuff.

I’ve had it up to here with calmly facing reality.

I am well and truly fed up with creative problem solving.

I have metastatic cancer. I am in pain. I am going to die much sooner than I should. Isn’t that enough? Will someone please turn off the shit faucet?

It’s nothing huge this time, but even a feather can be just that little bit too much. I’ll write again when I’ve calmed down.

56 thoughts on “Enough!

  1. You have every right to be pissed off! Yell, scream, holler, get it out and do what makes you feel better not some platitudes that those of us who aren’t in your shoes think you should feel, be, or do. Don’t take shit from anyone!

    • It wasn’t physical pain that brought me down yesterday, Emma, but I did take a pill when I usually would have white-knuckled it, and that allowed me several hours of deep, restorative sleep. Love you (and B – tell him so).

  2. Well, hell. I really really hate this for you and would give anything to be able to make it stop. I have this visual of having a big wrench that would shut off the shit faucet for good. But, I can’t do any of those things. I can pray and love you from afar – so that’s what I’m doing. I. know its not enough, tho.

  3. I’ll say it again: Good for you for telling it like it is, Claire. This may be a short blog entry, but it is powerful nonetheless. Sometimes things are just shitty – when dealing with metastatic cancer, it’s more often than not. My heart is with you; you are not alone. XOXO

    • Thank you so much, zippyrose. Yes, this post is far shorter than my usual, but that was all I had to say.
      I really feel that I am not alone, and that makes so much difference! I’m very grateful to you and everyone.

  4. Just learned have mets to the lung. It’s absolutely the shits, and I can’t get myself out of the hole you’re in, pills or no pills. Plus people coming for dinner tonight. Put on a happy face!

    Susan

    • Oh, Susan! I am so very sorry to hear your news.
      Do you have good support, do you have the online resources?
      Please don’t hesitate to write me on the blog or by email (address is in the side bar) if I can do anything.

      Gentle hugs, sweet Susan.

  5. There are time when platitudes help. This isn’t one them. Do you need to hear something? Is this a time when you need something others can give? Because there appear to be lots of people out here who get upset at the thought of what you bear up under. You do not deserve pain or suffering or cancer. If not, then vent. I think everyone is prepared to hear whatever you are feeling.

    • I hear you and I feel so helpless. At the same time I am so upset that you are in this horrible pain. I know when I was in awful pain because I had my bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction and proceeded to fracture my right foot and then break my left hip. I went to a pain specialist who really prescribed the right pain medication that was time released and I told him I needed to drive (I drove while getting in to the car walking with a really embarrassing walker) and I had no problem concentrating on driving. Being a former ballet dancer I was pretty humiliated.

      He’s also is a psychiatrist so he prescribed the right anti-depressant for me that made it so I could sleep. Many of the anti-depressants were not for me and he found the right one. I hate that you have mets and I know every case is different but I am hoping that you can find the right person who can prescribe medicines that can get rid of the pain and doesn’t make you feel so dopey that you can’t drive etc., and this pain doesn’t run your life. I also know breast cancer comes with so much anxiety and when you are in horrible pain there is no way you can function. I know why you want to resist this route and I am only saying all of this from a place of hoping to be helpful. No matter what I really care! I send you the biggest hugs ever. xoxo – Susan

      • Thanks so much for taking the time to write, Susan.

        I have started taking opiates, but not all the time. I see that in the not-too-distant future, though.

        This post was about something else that happened, relatively minor, but when added to everything else just tipped me over the edge.

        I hear your caring, and am so grateful for it. Hugs back at you, Susan!

    • Thank you so much, Not Down or Out. I do need some physical help, but because of where I live, it is not easy to get it. Working on it, though.

      And in the meantime I have no scruples about venting my little heart out here in the blog and on Facebook.

      Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment.

  6. KT, you know why the shit faucet runs? Because you’re still alive. Because you’re living on Planet Earth. Shit happens here. At least sometimes. It mixes in with the good stuff, kind of like compost, which makes things grow even if it stinks. I’m so sorry you’re going through everything you’re going through. I’m sending you lots of love.

  7. damn that shit faucet! I am livid about ANYTHING that is rocking your world. you don’t deserve it, not one single bit. just sending you love and gentle hugs to soothe your weariness with the whole damned thing.

    love and light, XOXO

    Karen, TC

  8. Pingback: Weekly Round Up | Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

  9. The straw that broke the camel’s back is mightier (and a whole lot heavier) than the sword sometimes.

    And that is my mish-mash of proverbs for the day.

    {{{hugs}}} to you, always!

  10. Life just is not fair, at least not while we are here on earth. Hugs and prayers for you. May God send you comfort and peace.

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